We’ve all had that feeling—something isn’t quite right with someone we care about. A friend seems distant. A coworker isn’t acting like themselves. A loved one’s texts feel a little off.
And yet, we hesitate. I don’t want to be dramatic. What if I say the wrong thing? What if I make it awkward?
So we wait. We assume they’ll reach out if they need help. We give them space. We tell ourselves they’re probably fine.
But what if they’re not?
As someone who teaches Mental Health First Aid and other trainings on supporting people in struggle, I’ve come to a realization: the challenge isn’t knowing what to look for—we already recognize when something feels off. The real challenge is deciding to act. Too often, fear of being wrong, overreacting, or overstepping holds us back. But the truth is, the risk of not reaching out is far greater than the discomfort of being wrong.
I often ask my classes:
💭 What’s the worst thing that happens if you check in?
The answers are always the same: “I might feel foolish for overreacting.” “They might be annoyed.”
Then I ask:
💭 What’s the worst thing that happens if you don’t check in?
I never ask for answers—I don’t have to. I see it in their faces. The discomfort. The fear. The realization of who comes to mind. Worst-case scenarios play out in their heads as they think about that one person they’ve been worried about.
Then, the real question: Are you okay with that outcome?
Sitting in that discomfort is where something shifts. It’s the moment they decide—right then—that they won’t be a bystander anymore. That reaching out, even at the risk of being wrong, is worth it. Because the cost of silence is too high.
Checking in doesn’t mean there’s always a crisis. Most of the time, someone is just having a tough day. But what’s the harm in asking? At worst, you were wrong. At best, you reminded someone that they matter. That simple act builds trust, connection, and the kind of support we all need.
When we hesitate, we risk letting people suffer in silence. Small struggles grow into something unmanageable. But by making the choice today to be the one who reaches out, you might catch someone before they spiral into isolation or crisis—offering support early, when it’s most needed and when it’s much easier to help them find their footing again.
So here’s your challenge: Reach out to that person who’s been on your mind. Send the text. Make the call. Stop by their office. Maybe they’re fine—but maybe, just maybe, you’ll be the reminder they needed that they’re not alone.
5 Simple Tips for Checking In (Without It Feeling Awkward)
1️⃣ Trust Your Gut & Focus on Observables If you’re worried about someone, swap vague concerns for specific observations. Instead of “Hey, you seem really distant lately. Is everything OK?” try: “You’ve been on my mind, and I’ve noticed you’ve been quieter than usual. How are things really going?” Using “I” statements and genuine care creates a safer space for them to open up.
2️⃣ Make It a Habit Don’t wait until someone is visibly struggling—build check-ins into your routine. Set a reminder to text or call a friend each week, or make it a habit to reach out to someone different each day. Regular connection makes reaching out in tough times feel more natural.
3️⃣ Keep It Low-Stakes & Give Them Options Instead of asking “Are you okay?”—which can feel overwhelming—make it easier to answer. Try:
💬 “Rough day or just busy?” 💬 “Need to vent or want a distraction?” 💬 “Want to grab coffee or just take a walk?”
Offering choices makes it feel like an open invitation rather than an interrogation.
4️⃣ Follow Up A single conversation is helpful, but continued support makes the biggest impact. A simple “Thinking of you today” or “Hope today is a little easier” can mean everything. Consistency shows you truly care.
5️⃣ Remember—You Don’t Have to Fix Anything You don’t need the perfect words. You don’t have to solve their problems. You just have to show up.
So—who needs to hear from you today?
#CheckIn #YouAreNotAlone #ConnectionMatters #MentalHealthAwareness
Author: Brittany Badger Gleed, PhD, MCHES is a Mental Health First Aid instructor and co-owner of Renova Wellness & Consulting – www.renovawc.com
